How Leaders Let Emotions Get The Best Of Them And 4 Ways To Avoid

There’s been a flurry of backlash about the remarks from one CEO during a recent virtual town hall in response to employees’ questions about canceled bonuses. I’ll spare you the play-by-play (you can see the video recording here), but fair to say the CEO’s response could have been better. Predictably, and understandably, the reaction online from employees ran between a mix of anger, disappointment, and incredulity, based on a sample of comments posted from the past couple of weeks since the video was leaked on social media.

It’s tough when you have a moment that doesn’t represent the best of who you are. Let’s assume that this was the case for this CEO, based on the leadership roles and many accolades received over her career. This isn’t to excuse bad behavior, but if we’re being honest, we’ve all had times when we didn’t show up at our best, didn’t rise to the occasion, or just messed up.

Of course, not all situations are created equal, and we must hold leaders, particularly CEOs, to a higher standard. We also know that CEOs are human beings like the rest of us, and when they let their emotions get the best of them, we can recognize how that might happen. Given that, consider these lessons we might take from this experience:

Don’t assume you know what will trigger you. You probably have a very good idea about the things that might prompt an emotional reaction or set you off, whether it’s politics, traffic, or a particular type of question from employees. On the other hand, consider times when you found yourself getting triggered or otherwise lacking in restraint about something that you didn’t anticipate. Think of these moments as your emotional blind spots, and they are more common than you might think.

We’re hard-wired to react. As human beings, we’re hard-wired to protect ourselves, and when we perceive a situation as potentially threatening, our evolutionary ‘fight or flight’ response kicks in. It’s why a certain email from a coworker, a disagreement in a meeting, or missing a quarterly result can produce disproportionately high levels of stress and anxiety. In those situations, an email isn’t just an email, and questions from employees can feel dangerous and risky to our very survival as a company, no matter how rationally we know otherwise. It explains why talented, experienced leaders can respond to certain scenarios in highly emotional, reactive ways. Research also tells us that if you’re in prolonged high stress work situations or in an environment that lacks psychological safety, chances are even greater that your fight or flight response will get triggered, and emotions even harder to manage.

Identify what triggers you. Most senior leaders aren’t typically prone to outbursts or big emotional swings, given the years of experience leading under pressure, managing tough deadlines and handling high expectations. Consider, however, that the same talented leader, put under enough stress, may get derailed by situations that would be far more manageable under normal circumstances. The CEO example provided above isn’t uncommon, where a bad moment can potentially unwind years of hard work and outstanding performance. It’s just not worth it, so take the time to consider situations that might provoke a strong response or emotion from you. For example:

• How do you react when you feel others don’t care as much as you do?
• How do you respond when others challenge you or disagree?
• What is an example of a situation that you struggle to ‘turn off’ and can’t stop thinking about?
• Is there anybody you don’t feel you can trust at work right now?
• Can you think of a recent example where you felt others weren’t hearing or listening to you?

Here’s where getting input from others is going to matter, because most of us, no matter how self-aware, may have a couple of blind spots, despite our best intentions. Take the time to ask trusted advisors for input, share these questions with them, and get some candid perspective from those who know you well.

Use emotion to your advantage. Emotion at work is a good thing, and the best leaders have found ways to express emotion to build trust, connection, and drive inspired, purposeful action. Strong, negative emotions used judiciously, can also be highly effective and signal important messages about what matters. And if by chance, emotions do get the best of you, don’t just apologize over email. If you had an outburst on camera, get back on camera, talk to those you impacted. Help employees understand why you reacted the way you did in a real way. Done right, they might believe you.