Is Your Communication Style Frustrating Your CEO? Two Styles To Avoid
A common source of frustration shared by our C-level clients centers on how others communicate. What are they experiencing? Here’s a sampling: Too much detail, not enough insight, unproductive discussions with no clear outcomes, speakers who lack curiosity, meetings that missed the point or focused on the wrong issues, leaders who do too much talking, not enough talking, not enough listening, materials that aren’t C-level ready. It’s a long list and given that the average executive isn’t shy about sharing what works and what doesn’t, there is plenty we can do to set ourselves up for success. Not sure where to start? Check out my recent article about common C-level communication traps, and read on about two other styles to avoid with your own C-level leadership.
The Unknown.
The Unknown Mantra is: I am waiting for the right time to speak up in meetings. The Unknown communicator has a quiet, deferential style, so much so that it makes it difficult to know where they stand on an issue, how they really feel about something, or even if they can hold their own in a discussion. It isn’t uncommon to hear the Unknown say things like, “I’m not the kind of person who talks just to hear themselves talk,” as a reason to explain their style. They’ll tell you that it is hard to get a word in edgewise in meetings or that they don’t like to interrupt others. Fair enough, but here’s the truth: As a senior leader, you’re expected to engage, share your insights, ask questions, speak up, make recommendations, and have a point of view.
The trouble with Unknowns is that they do have great ideas and plenty of value to share – but their style prevents others from seeing it. For Unknowns who struggle with this, preparation before meetings is essential. Some may need to prepare what to say, and also when and how to say it, so the meeting doesn’t pass by without having an opportunity to speak up. Here’s something else to consider if you’re an Unknown: Let your guard down, notice where you may be playing it too safe. Lower the bar for yourself, let go of the idea that you must only offer brilliant ideas in meetings or be an expert in an area in order to earn the right to speak up. You need to let your leadership voice be heard.
The Defender.
The Defender mantra is: Let me make sure you understand that I’m right. As the name suggests, the Defender displays a style HBR describes as “chronic certainty.” It may be tempting to think that this style belongs to other people, but the need to be right is hard-wired into all of us, a byproduct of our evolution as humans to exert control over our environment and results, so no surprise that the Defender style comes up at work in a variety of situations. For instance, when challenged or questioned, Defenders may be quick to respond, providing longer answers than needed, going back and forth over email or overexplaining to make a point. You might notice they struggle to listen, or might dismiss or reject input from others, rather than ask questions or go deeper to get underneath concerns. Underneath it all, Defenders lack confidence and struggle to be vulnerable, admit mistakes, and acknowledge they don’t have all the answers.
No judgement here, because this is a style that we can demonstrate given our hard-wiring as humans, so self-awareness is essential, because Defenders are often the last to see this behavior in themselves. To get at this style, start by noticing whether you default to a style of “persuading harder” as a way to influence others. When audiences question or challenge your ideas, resist the urge to defend or overexplain. Instead, before responding, stop, pause, ask yourself, “Is there anything that might be true here?” Notice the tendency to react when questioned, or whether you interpret audience challenges as code for, “Your idea is wrong.” More often than not, you may be right, so getting questions doesn’t mean you have to fold your tent or acquiesce to audience challenges or concerns. Rather, interpret a challenging audience member as someone who needs to feel more comfortable, confident, and clear about what you’re sharing so they are better able see the value in your ideas in the first place.
CEO and C-level leaders value great communication because with it comes the kinds of insights and ideas that can make a difference in their businesses, leadership, and lives. Let’s be the ones who can provide even more of it to them.
